As a somatic psychotherapist and coach at From Surviving to Thriving, I’m seeing teenagers in genuine distress and parents struggling to help. This moment isn’t just about screens, it’s about nervous system regulation and how we show up when our children face overwhelming change they didn’t choose and can’t control.

Key Takeaways

• Parents must down regulate their own nervous systems before attempting to help their overwhelmed children
• The amygdala’s job is detecting danger, social media algorithms deliberately trigger this survival response
• Children’s reactions to the social media ban are normal amygdala responses, not character flaws
• Belly breathing floods the body with serotonin and interrupts negative stress loops
• Creating device free sanctuaries helps families reclaim control over external influences
• This transition offers an opportunity to teach children how to sit with discomfort, a crucial adult skill
• Wounded inner children in parents often react more strongly than the actual children affected

Understanding the Nervous System Response to Change

Why Our Brains React to Digital Disruption

In my clinical work, I’m witnessing something fascinating: parents are often more distressed about the social media ban than their children. This happens because we all have what I call “the team on the bench”, fractured parts of ourselves created when our childhood needs weren’t met appropriately.

When situations mirror those early experiences, these wounded parts can take control. I’m seeing parents react from their own inner children, saying things like “it’s not fair” and “they’re going to miss out.” This mirrors exactly what their 14  year olds are saying, revealing that the adult hasn’t fully engaged.

The Amygdala’s Role in Family Stress

Our amygdala has one primary job from birth: detecting danger. Every advertiser and platform designer knows this, deliberately triggering amygdala responses to capture attention. As I explained to Kim, “good news never made a paper sell” controversial, outrageous content hijacks our survival brain.

The challenge is we don’t have a corresponding brain structure to detect beauty, wonder, and safety with the same intensity. When we’re overwhelmed, we miss the magnificent sunset while fixating on perceived threats.

How to Regulate Yourself Before Supporting Your Child

The Adult First Approach

The most powerful tool I teach parents is this: you cannot regulate what you haven’t first regulated in yourself. When your teenager is escalating about missing their online connections, your nervous system will want to match their energy, either by fighting back or collapsing into helplessness.

Instead, I guide parents through this process: Notice your own activation first. Are your shoulders tense? Is your breathing shallow? Are you mentally rehearsing arguments? These are signs your amygdala has been triggered.

The Belly Breathing Technique

The fastest way to interrupt stress escalation is through deliberate belly breathing. This isn’t just relaxation it’s neurochemistry. Deep diaphragmatic breathing floods your body with serotonin, the same neurotransmitter many antidepressants aim to increase.

Here’s my simple protocol: Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly. Breathe so only the bottom hand moves. Count four breaths in, hold for four, release for six. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and signals safety to your entire body.

The Regulate Relate Rationalise Framework

Step One: Regulate

Before addressing your child’s distress about the social media ban, regulate your own system using the breathing technique above. This isn’t selfish it’s essential. A dysregulated adult cannot effectively support a dysregulated child.

I often ask parents: “How do you feel when someone tries to control you while they’re clearly stressed?” The answer is always the same it makes things worse. Your regulated presence becomes the foundation for your child’s eventual regulation.

Step Two: Relate

Once you’re centered, move toward connection rather than correction. Instead of explaining why the ban is necessary or minimising their loss, try: “I can see this is really hard for you. Tell me what you’re most worried about losing.”

This isn’t agreement it’s acknowledgment. You’re teaching them that difficult emotions are acceptable and that you can handle their distress without needing to fix it immediately.

Step Three: Rationalise

Only after regulation and connection can rational discussion occur. This is when you might explore together: “What are some other ways we could stay connected with your friends?” or “How might we create new routines that feel good?”

The key insight from my therapy training is this: rational solutions offered to dysregulated nervous systems simply cannot be absorbed. The learning brain is offline during stress responses.

Creating Digital Sanctuaries in Your Home

The Bedroom Boundary

I’ve always advocated for no technology in children’s bedrooms, and I extend this to parents too. When I counsel teens, I ask them: “Would you go sleep in the main street of your town?” They look horrified and say no because anyone could approach them.

It’s the same with devices connected to the internet overnight. You cannot control who enters your bedroom digitally. Every family needs sanctuary spaces where the outside world cannot reach them.

Curated Content vs. Algorithm Control

As Kim and I discussed, there’s a crucial difference between curated content and algorithm driven feeds. When she used educational videos for her children’s breakfast time, she knew exactly what they were consuming. The content served her family’s needs rather than a corporation’s engagement metrics.

I encourage families to reclaim this curation power. Choose specific content, specific times, and specific purposes for screen engagement rather than surrendering control to algorithms designed to capture attention indefinitely.

Teaching Children to Sit with Discomfort

Why Discomfort Tolerance Matters

One unexpected gift of this social media transition is the opportunity to teach children something many young adults never learned: how to sit with discomfort without immediately seeking escape or stimulation.

In my practice, I see young adults who’ve never developed this capacity. The moment they feel bored, lonely, or uncertain, they reach for a device. This isn’t their fault—it’s what they were trained to do from early childhood.

The Practice of Presence

Teaching discomfort tolerance starts with modeling. When your child says, “I’m bored,” resist the urge to immediately provide entertainment or solutions. Instead, try: “Boredom is a feeling that will pass. What do you notice in your body right now?”

This isn’t punishment, it’s skill building. You’re helping them recognise that uncomfortable emotions are temporary visitors, not permanent residents requiring immediate eviction.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: My teenager is genuinely grieving their online friendships. How do I validate this without undermining the teens social media ban in Australia?

A: Grief is real regardless of its cause. You can acknowledge their loss (“These friendships mattered to you, and it makes sense you’d miss that connection”) while maintaining boundaries. Validation doesn’t require agreement with their solutions.

Q: I feel hypocritical limiting my child’s screen time when I’m constantly on my own devices. What should I do?

A: Start with your own digital boundaries. Children learn more from what they observe than what they’re told. Consider implementing family device free times or zones that apply to everyone, including parents.

Q: How do I know if my child’s reaction to the ban is normal adjustment or something requiring professional help?

A: Normal adjustment includes sadness, anger, and resistance that gradually decreases over 2-4 weeks. Seek help if you notice persistent sleep disruption, appetite changes, social withdrawal beyond the digital realm, or expressions of hopelessness lasting more than two weeks.

Q: My child says all their friends are finding ways around the ban. How do I address this peer pressure?

A: First, regulate your own response to this information. Then explore their feelings: “It sounds like you’re worried about being left out. That’s understandable.” You can acknowledge the difficulty while maintaining your family’s boundaries.

Q: What if my child’s identity was heavily tied to their online presence? They seem lost without it.

A: Identity exploration is crucial developmental work. Help them reflect: “Who are you when no one is watching or liking your posts?” This transition can become an opportunity for deeper self discovery beyond external validation.

Q: I’m struggling with my own social media use. How can I model healthy boundaries?

A: Honest self reflection serves your family. Consider: Do you feel in control of your usage, or does it control you? Start small perhaps one device free hour daily or keeping phones out of family meal times.

Q: How long should I expect this adjustment period to last?

A: Every child is different, but typically, the most intense reactions occur in the first 2-3 weeks. Full adjustment to new routines usually takes 6-8 weeks. Consistency in your response helps stabilise their nervous systems during this transition.

Q: My partner and I disagree about how strict to be with the new rules. What should we do?

A: Parental unity isn’t about agreement on everything, it’s about respectful collaboration. Discuss your different perspectives away from children, find common ground, and present a unified approach. Children feel safer when adults are clearly in charge together.

Conclusion

Australia’s social media ban represents more than policy change, it’s an opportunity for families to reclaim connection and teach essential life skills. The children and teenagers I work with are resilient, but they need regulated adults to guide them through this transition. By focusing on nervous system regulation, creating genuine connection, and modeling healthy boundaries, we can help our young people develop the internal resources they’ll need throughout their live