Embracing Motherly Hugs In Different Ways

Whatever the reason, the absence of a mother’s love is always deeply felt. However, there are ways to nurture yourself and receive the comfort of real-life hugs, creating moments of warmth and connection in new and meaningful ways.

Seeking Comfort Through Hugs

If your mother is no longer in your life, one of the most immediate ways to find comfort is through the embrace of friends. Let them know what you are looking for in a hug—a deep, sustained embrace that provides support and care. These moments of connection are reciprocal; you both give and receive an incredibly precious gift. Take your time with these hugs—allow yourself to relax into them, feel the warmth, and accept the love that is being shared.  And know that the ‘other’ is receiving as well as giving.  That’s what hugs are all about.

Finding a Motherly Presence

Sometimes, what we long for is the nurturing presence of someone older, a mother figure who can provide the kind of reassurance we miss. If there aren’t women in your immediate life who fit this role, consider volunteering at an aged-care facility. Many elderly residents would love to share their time, and in turn, their warmth and wisdom. Activities like reading to residents or engaging in one-on-one interactions can help build relationships over time. Many aged-care workers will tell you that these older women are more than happy to give and receive hugs, and these moments of connection will become cherished by both you and them.

Another wonderful way to engage with older, nurturing women is by joining a hobby group that appeals to them, such as a knitting or crochet circle. Over time, as friendships grow, heartfelt hugs will naturally flow.

Providing Love for Yourself

Beyond seeking hugs from others, it’s also possible to nurture yourself in deeply healing ways. I work with a therapeutic approach that helps you learn to ‘provide the love for yourself.’ While it may not replace the experience of a motherly hug, it is a powerful, empowering, and loving practice. This exercise can be done in your imagination, or if you have a group of friends, you can experience it in real life.

The Mothering Hug Exercise

This practice is especially beautiful when done with a group of eight women, each taking turns to be the ‘receiver.’ I have recorded instructions for those who would like to follow along.  

The basic setup for doing this exercise on your own is simple:

• Gather pillows and cushions to create a cozy, supportive space on a couch/sofa, a corner of a room, or the floor—wherever you feel most comfortable.
• Arrange the pillows/cushions behind and along the side of your body so that you can lean into them, creating a sense of being embraced.

If you have a group of friends willing to participate:

• The first woman sits down, allowing herself to relax.
• One by one, as mentioned in the audio, each woman takes a seat behind the last person, supporting the person in front of her.
• By the time the seventh woman joins, she will be supporting everyone in front of her, so placing a wall or additional pillows behind her for extra support can be helpful.
• Even if you don’t have yourself plus 7 others, you can imagine the ‘missing’ ones. Use who you have!  And then swap so each woman gets a turn of being the one at the front.

The experience of being physically and emotionally held in this way is deeply nurturing, offering a sense of security and love that can be incredibly healing.

Sending Love to Those Who Need It

To all those who are missing the warmth of a mother’s hug, know that you are not alone. Love and support can be found in many forms, from the friendships we cherish to the nurturing communities we create.

And to all the “mothers” who are present in their own and other’s children’s lives, offering their love and care—your presence is a gift beyond measure. (You don’t have to be an actual mother or grandmother to provide these Mothering Hugs!)

Much love to you all.

Author: Suzanne Butz, Psychotherapist, FromSurviving2Thriving